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Peppa Pig: LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
Mistress roes: [dancing upside down on a skateboard] HE WAS A SKATER BOY SHE SAID SEE YOU LATER BOY HE WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH FOR HER
Peppa: DAMNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mummy Pig: MAKE SOME SALSAAAAA
Peppa: YOU MAKE THE SALSAAAAA, I AM THE MOTHERFUCKING PRINCESS!!!!!
Mummy Pig: I'M NOT DOING ANY WORK WORK WORK WORK HE SAID ME HAFFI WORK WORK WORK WORK HE SEE ME DOING MI DIRT DIRT DIRT
Cherie Pig: WE ARE THE CROWD WE'RE C-COMING OUT
Candy Cat: OOOOOOH!!!!! NOW I SHOPLIFTING PAY-PAYPAL
Elena Elephant: DÉLTA NUS BLAH BLAH BLAH I DO NOT SAY BLAH BLAH BLAH
Suzy Sheep: GET REKT K-KAWAII K-KAWAII K-KAWAII
[at Lisa Fox's house]
Lisa Fox: DUDE. I SLEEP ON THAT.
Freddy Fox: I WANT PEPPA'S MOUTH TO BURN WITH THE FIRES OF FIENDSHIP
Mistress roes: I FEED PEPPA SHOPLIFTING IN AT&T LET'S GET A BED FROM THE LOCAL SHOPS [goes to the local shops] I NEED SHOPLIFTING SO I CAN FEED PEPPA, THE PLAYGROUP IS POOR
[cuts to Peppa at home]
Mummy Pig: EAT THE SALSAAAAA
Peppa: MUM-MUM-MUM-MUM-MU-MAH. [eats the salsa] GET ME SOME H20, MY MOUTH IS BURNING WITH THE FIRES OF FIENDSHIP
Mummy Pig: I know! I can't do anything!
Peppa: I am going to sleep on the stove. [goes into the kitchenette] I just need to get on top of the stove. [climbs up to the top of the stove] I need milkshake [takes milkshake out of the cupboard and drinks it] I smell fish. [pours Coca Cola all over her dress] I really, really, really, really need to poop! Poopy poopy everywhere, poopy poopy in my underwear, poopy poopy, here it comes! [tries to poop but farts instead] OW!!!! MUMMY! MY TUSHIE HURTS! MY TUSHIE IS ON FIRE! [eats the door]
Mummy Pig: Nooooooooooo! Why did you eat the door? Our holiday house is on fire!
Peppa: [shoots a rainbow at Mummy Pig, knocking her out] I need to take a p*ss.
[Peppa explodes the house by pooping]
Pepperika Pig: *laying on a stove* I want milk. *grabs out-of-date milk, then pours it in her mouth* GLUG GLUG GLUG *swallows the milk* Do I smell somethings burning? Eek! *pours Diet Coke everywhere, causing it to light a gas bomb*
[Beeping]
Mummy Pig: *climbs out of bed* *low voice* Do I smell gas? *shouting* We have to evacuate! Let's get our gas masks on!
Daddy Pig: What the hell?
[Everyone puts on their gas masks and they run downstairs]
Cherie Pig: Darn it, the door is blocked by extremely poisonous fumes!
[They climb out of the window and Cherie drives to the centre of Peppatown]
Cherie Pig: Here's the fountain!
Mummy Pig: Where's Pepperika? *runs back inside and gets Pepperika, then goes back to the car* Pepperika, you go with your family or friends if there's a gas bomb! Gas bombs are extremely dangerous!
Cherie Pig: *drives the car into Peppatown Central Fountain*
[Stars form on the car]
Elly Pig: Ooh! Stars!
[The car comes out of a manhole in the real world]
[Everybody gets out]
Mummy Pig: You go to the hotel while I bring Pepperika to the hospital!
[cuts to the hospital bed]
Doctor: Pepperika has lung cancer due to gas fumes getting inside her lungs, and that disease is really dangerous!
Mummy Pig: Oh, dear!
[cuts to all the pigs in their hotel room]
Cherie Pig: That TV is awesome! *places a DVD in the DVD drive*
[Pepperika looks at them through her hospital room's window]
Peppa Pig: *waves at Pepperika and calls someone*
Lady GaGa: Hello, Hello, Baby, you called I can't hear a thing-
[At home]
Peppa Pig: I hate the if-you-seeking computer! [gets Lady GaGa's Pyro-Bra]
Mummy Pig: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! [trips]
Peppa: Too late, if-you-seek-you.
Mummy Pig: If-you-seek-Peppa Pig, she's so naughty!
Peppa: I don't give a if-you-seek. [shoots sparks at the computer]
Lady GaGa: You are never allowed to use my Pyro-Bra again!
Britney Spears: If-you-seek-Amy.
Amy Lee33: Why do you seek me?
Britney Spears: I don't. If-you-seek-Amy.
Amy Lee33: Let me record a Land of Love video!
Peppa Pig: [gets stuffed in a bag] OOF!
Mummy Pig: [puts the TV and the tape recorder on top of Peppa]
Peppa: [shrieks]
Mummy Pig: [farts and puts the bag in Cherie Pig's convertible as it starts to rain] Drive this bag to San Bearcisco in house 824.
Cherie Pig: Alright. [puts a Rocking Gazelles CD in the radio]
Peppa: [finds Pippa pork in the bag]
Pippa pork: Who are you?
Peppa: Unknown status 506, PT2 .elf file [poops her pants]
Pippa: [insults Peppa]
[time speeds up]
Cherie: Now I need to throw this bag into number 824. [walks to house 824 and puts the bag on the doorstep]
Brianna Bear: What the-
Britney Bear: Let's look in this bag! I wonder what's in it? [rummages through the bag and lifts Pippa pork out]
Brianna: Who's that?
Britney: I don't know!
Peppa: Unknown status 506, PT2 .elf file
Britney: What's that smell?
Peppa: I pooped.
Britney: Hop into my car!
Peppa: [enters Britney Bear's car]
Britney: [drives the car to house 2700 as time speeds up] Peppa, leave the car!
Peppa: There's a wishing well! [throws a coin into the well] I wish for entry to Peppakitown.
[The well opens a trapdoor]
Peppa: Thank you! [climbs down the ladder]
[at house 824]
Brianna: I found a TV and a tape recorder as well as a Pigtengo Famicom!
Britney: Can you read Japanese?
Brianna: Of course. I do not go to playgroup - I am visited by a tutor.
Britney: Oh.
[in Peppakitown]
Peppa: Wow!
[at house 824]
Brianna: [changes into an outfit made completely out of sapphires]
Britney: I don't know if that's warm-
Brianna: Plug the Pigtengo Pamicom in that TV we found!
[An instrumental version of (You Drive Me) Crazy by Britney Spears plays, then stops]
Peppa: I'm going to Daddy's new job today!!!
[cuts to Daddy Pig and Peppa outside the building]
Daddy Pig: I fix those giant TVs with vacuum tubes here. [puts his ID card in the slot next to the doorway]
[both go into the TVs department]
Peppa: I am going to try to fix that CRT!
Narrator: An hour later...
[cuts to Mummy Pig and George at home]
Mummy Pig: [making a phone call] George, shush. [on the phone] AAH! AAH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! I CAN'T FIGHT ELECTRICAL FIRES!!!! JUST EVACUATE!!!! [drops the phone and goes upstairs] I NEED TO CALL MY CO-WORKERS! [dials her work number]
Telephone Operator: The number you have dialled is not in service.
Mummy Pig: [calls Miss Rabbit] There is an electrical fire at my husband's work!!!
[cuts to Miss Rabbit screaming]
Miss Rabbit: [calls Mummy Sheep] There is an electric fire at Amanda's husband's work!!
[cuts to Mummy Pig, Mummy Sheep and Miss Rabbit in the fire engine]
[cuts to Daddy Pig's work]
Peppa: I'll put it out! [pours her juice in the fire]
[The building explodes]
[cuts to Peppa at home getting a spanking]
Daddy Pig: [spanking Peppa] You blew up the building!!!! [spanks Peppa harder]
Peppa: Ow!
Mummy Pig: Go to bed right this instant or you'll get more spankings!
Peppa: NO!
[zooms out, as Peppa gets more spankings]
Mummy Pig: LET'S ALL JUST GO TO BED!
[zooms inside the house]
[Mummy Pig wakes up as Telephone by Lady GaGa and Beyonce plays]
Mummy Pig: [tired voice] Time to wake up, as always. [goes into the bathroom and brushes her teeth]
[Lady GaGa: Sorry I cannot hear you, I'm kinda busy! Just a second, it's my favourite song they gonna play, and I cannot text you with a drink in my hand, eh?]
Mummy Pig: I'm finished. I'm going to get dressed.
[Lady GaGa: Stop calling (x2)]
[cuts to Mummy Pig making breakfast in a silicone dress with an apron, a yellow wig and a headpiece depicting a folded up rotary dial telephone]
[Peppa comes downstairs]
Mummy Pig: Uh-oh. She'll think I'm crazy. [runs behind the fridge]
Peppa Pig: Mummy, I want breakfast!
[At the FAKE Emily Elephant's house]
Emily Elephant: Jag älskar dig, mamma och pappa! (I love you, Mummy and Daddy!)
Mummy Elephant: Dags att gå till lekgruppen, Emily! (Time to go to playgroup, Emily!) Här är din barbära dator. (Here is your laptop.)
[shows a yellow rotary dial telephone]
Emily Elephant: [using her laptop] Vad sa du? (What did you say?)
Miss Lion: [roars] RAAAH! YOU WERE NOT LISTENING!
Emily Elephant: Förlåt. (Sorry.)
Miss Lion: We'll introduce ourselves. Use many interesting adjectives, as we will write this down. Emily, you're first.
Emily Elephant: Jag är Emily Elefant. Jag bor i en fastighet med min familj. Min favoritfärg är lila. Min familj är extremt rika. (I am Emily Elephant. I live in an estate with my family. My favourite colour is purple. My family is ultra wealthy.)
Miss Lion: Peppa Pig, you're next.
Emily Elephant: [sings Beautiful, Dirty, Rich by Lady GaGa in Swedish while she uses her laptop]
Peppa: I am Peppa Pig. I live in a house on a hill.
Miss Lion: Emily, turn that laptop off right now! [roars] RAAAH!
Peppa: My favourite colour is yellow and I can speak Swedish and Japanese.
Emily Elephant: [singing] Pappa, jag är så ledsen, jag är så s-ledsen, vi bara gillar att festa, ja, som till fest, ja, bang bang, vi är vackra och smutsiga rika (Daddy, I'm so sorry, I'm so s-sorry, we just like to party, yeah, like to p-party, yeah, bang bang, we're beautiful and dirty rich)
Miss Lion: Suzy Sheep, you're next.
Suzy Sheep: I am Suzy Sheep. I am Peppa Pig's best friend and my favourite colour is blue. I can speak French.
Emily Elephant: Jag bang bang, bang, jag bang, bang, bang, jag bang bang bang, vacker, smutsig, rik. (I bang bang, bang, I bang, bang, bang, I bang bang bang, beautiful, dirty, rich.)
[10 minutes later]
Miss Lion: We are going to draw a picture of something that expresses your creativity You will have five minutes.
[5 minutes later]
George: Dibujé un dinosaurio, Señorita León! (I drew a dinosaur, Miss Lion!)
Miss Lion: I know. I'm not blind. Class, you won't go to the thinking chair if you misbehave.
Everyone: Woohoo!
Miss Lion: Calm down. You will miss recess and get spanked.
Everyone: Noooooooooo!
Miss Lion: In our maths, we will be exploring the three times tables in multiplication.
[cuts to everyone at recess]
Mummy Pig: [riding her bike] Peppa has an appointment! [crashes into the toddlers' classroom]
Toddlers: Eek! Too scary!
Madame Gazelle: Peppa is in Miss Lion's class.
Mummy Pig: [takes off her hide jacket and reveals a silicone dress] Peppa! I have a lawyer! Let's go home!
[cuts to Peppa at home]
Mummy Pig: I stole all of the Elephants' money and became an ultrabillionaire! I hired a lawyer, got a modern house built on the Lions' lot, hired bodyguards, bought a 65" flat screen OLED TV and...guess what? I got a chat video with Lady GaGa!
Lawyer: Hello. If you have issues tell me.
Peppa: There's this girl at playgroup called Emily Elephant. She speaks Swedish and calls me names.
Lawyer: Don't let her call you names. Tell your teacher.
Mummy Pig: I was filed a lawsuit because from the Brazilian government because of ©. [calls Cherie Pig] Cherie, look after Peppa.
[Cherie Pig enters]
[The phone rings at Emily Elephant's house]
Cherie Pig: Your credit card has been declined.
Mummy Elephant: [checks the mailbox] £679,00000 bills.
[cuts back to Cherie and Peppa hugging each other]
Cherie: Do you want to dance?
Peppa: Yeah!
Cherie: [turns the TV channel to PTV]
Samara Pig: I want vodka.
Cherie: NO! NO!
Peppa: Hold that thought - let's play a game.
Samara Pig: [drunk] What game?
Lady GaGa: [off-screen] A LoveGame.
Peppa Pig: RAAH!
Lady GaGa: Raah, ah, ah, ah, Roma, roma, ma, ma, ma, GaGa, ooh, la, la, want your bad romance
Peppa Pig: Get lost!
Lady GaGa: OK. [appears on-screen wearing her meat dress]
Peppa Pig: GET LOST!!!!
Lady GaGa: NO! NO!
Peppa Pig: GET LOST!!!!!!!!!!!
Cherie Pig: GET LOST!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [eats the meat dress]
Lady GaGa: [changes into her Mickey Mouse bodysuit and Minnie Mouse sunglasses from Paparazzi]
Samara Pig: What do you like to drink?
Lady GaGa: Jameson Whiskey on the Rocks.
Samara Pig: [gets a bottle of Jameson Whiskey on the Rocks and pours poison into it] Drink this.
Lady GaGa: [drinks the poisoned Jameson Whiskey on the Rocks]
Samara Pig: Why didn't you die?!
Lady GaGa: I am unaffected by poison.
[The telephone rings]
Lady GaGa: [answers the phone] Hello, hello, baby, you called, I can't hear a thing
Peppa Pig: [runs to her room]
[3 minutes later]
Lady GaGa: I'm going to make them sandwiches. [changes into her silicone dress, telephone headpiece and yellow wig] They have the ingredients. [makes the sandwich]
Peppa: Sandwiches?
Lady GaGa: Yes.
Mummy Pig: [comes home] [talking quickly] Lady GaGa, I'm a hardcore Little Monster and I have all your albums and I'm excited for LG5!
Lady GaGa: Cheek to Cheek was a collaborative album. It's not actually my fourth album, although my Little Monsters treated The Fame Monster as an actual album, not an EP.
Mummy Pig: That's what I did! I always wear an orange hide jacket to cover up...[takes her hide jiacket off] GaGa clothes. I'm wearing the Paparazzi Mickey Mouse bodysuit. But I want the sunglasses badly.
Lady GaGa: I can have the creator of the sunglasses send them to you. [changes into her studded "chandelier" outfit and crown from Bad Romance] Do you want a sandwich?
Mummy Pig: Sure, as long as it is not...POISONED!
Lady GaGa: It's not. Joking about the Telephone music video? [changes into her studded bikini from Telephone] You can have your sandwich...now! [serves Mummy Pig's sandwich]
[a loud noise comes from upstairs]
Peppa: OW!
Mummy Pig, Cherie Pig and Lady GaGa: Are you okay?
Peppa: No! I fell on my knee!
Lady GaGa: You need to stay inside, Peppa. I have to do something. [exits to the front of the house and puts on her Pyro-Bra] I will DESTROY this car with the Pyro-Bra! [shoots sparks at Samara Pig's audi]
Peppa: Fuck this shit, I'm going to bed!
[Peppa wakes up]
Peppa: I'm going to steal the magic key from the museum!
[cuts to Peppa hanging from a wire]
Peppa: Almost...got it!
Suzy Sheep: Are you sure? Stealing is wrong.
Peppa: I'M GOING TO RIP YOUR WOOL OFF, SUZY! *unseaths knife*
Suzy Sheep: Put that knife away...
Peppa: *rips Suzy's wool off* That solves the problem.
[Peppa sees the secret key]
Peppa: *reels it up* Now I have the key to the Pippaverse!
Pedro Pony: *reels up Peppa's wire* Stealing is wrong.
Peppa: *rips Pedro* SHUT UP! Now, I need to find a keyhole in a stone wall. Now, where would a stone wall be?
Suzy: Peppa, it would be in that island jungle.
Danny Dog: OMG, Suzy! You look creepy with no wool!
Narrator: Peppa goes to the dock. She steals a rowboat.
Peppa: Now i'll know who inspired Pippa pork
Danny Dog: Da counterpart of a crazy  king
Peppa: You crazy bitch! *puts the key in*
[They are sucked into the Pippaverse]
[cuts to Katelynn Pig]
Katelynn Pig: Mummy Pig, there's soot everywhere!
Lady GaGa: Mummy Pig isn't here. Can't read my, can't read my, no, he can't read my poker f♠️ce
Cherie Pig: It is raining today.
Samara Pig: Oh! My Audi is out there getting wet! AND I LEFT THE ROOF DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!
Selmo Pig: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Samara Pig: Shut up, pipsqueak.
Peppa Pig: YOU ARE AN IDIOT, SAMARA!!!!!!!
George Pig: YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Samara Pig: Shut the hell up, babies.
Cherie Pig: It is probably flooded.
Samara Pig: I will have to drive it to the garage to keep it dry.
[Samara gets in the Audi and gets all wet]
Samara Pig: EWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!
George Pig: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Samara Pig: Get rekt, George.
Mummy Pig: Samara, don't talk to your little brother like that!
Lady GaGa: Samara, you are so grounded (x50) for a week!
Cherie Pig: I agree with Stefani Germanotta! [waves her finger at Samara and leaves]
Samara Pig: [rubs her germs over Jase Pig's face] Pipsqueak.
Peppa: *wakes up* Thank goodness that was just a nightmare. I'm late for my first day of primary school! MUMMY!
Mummy Pig: Peppa, here's an apple for your new teacher. Daddy Pig will give you 2 pancakes for breakfast.
Peppa: What?
Daddy Pig: *cooks pancakes and serves them to Peppa* There you go, Peppa. Eat them quickly, as you're late for school.
Peppa: Eww! Those pancakes taste disgusting! Get them away from me!
Mummy Pig: *opens the door* Peppa, it's raining. Let's use my new convertible, with a sunroof that comes up and down!
Peppa: Why can't we use Skids Junior?
Mummy Pig: Because Daddy Pig is going to drive it to work. Also, I've got a new convertible. *pulls Peppa into her convertible*
Peppa: Where's George?
Mummy Pig: *hits a button and makes the sunroof go down*
Peppa: You didn't even answer me!
Mummy Pig: *opens the windows and the car doors*
Peppa: I AM SO ANGRY!!!
Mummy Pig: *blasts heavy metal with the volume up to 100%*
Peppa: AAH!
Mummy Pig: This is a shortcut! *drives through a residential area with the speed at 80mph*
Peppa: MUMMY! THIS IS NOT GETTING ANY BETTER! IT IS RAINING!
Mummy Pig: *drives through the underground train station*
Peppa: Eek!
[Peppa and Mummy Pig scream]
Peppa: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!
Mummy Pig: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! *goes through one of the trains*
Train Driver #1: What was that?
Train Driver #2: A car just went through your train!
Mummy Pig: Hi! *drives it to the other train station and up the steps*
Peppa: We're in San Bearcisco! Turn left!
Mummy Pig: *crashes into Brianna Bear's apartment building*
[The apartments fall onto the road and get destroyed]
[All residents of the apartment building scream]
Brianna Bear: *coughing* Hey! It's Peppa! *sneezes*
Mummy Pig: Sorry!
Peppa: *cries*
Mummy Pig: *drives on the bridge leading back to Peppatown* I know how you have to get to school, Peppa. I'll use a shortcut. *drives to Elephant's Pizza* Hey, can I get a pizza with PEPPER-PEPPERONI!
Girl: NO.
Phoebe Pig: Hey, Mummy! It's raining so you might want to put your sunroof back up. You have a really cool car!
Mummy Pig: Thanks, but I have to get Peppa to school. Thank you, smartypants!
Narrator: Later....
Mummy Pig: *takes off her clothes except underwear* Ooo ooo ooo ooo!
Peppa: That's disgusting!
Mummy Pig: *puts her dress on and drives to a neighbourhood which features bungalows on hillocks*
Peppa: This is a nice place!
Mummy Pig: I know! And primary school's just around the playground.
[Lisa Fox peers out her window]
Lisa Fox: Hey, that's Peppa!
Mummy Fox: Why, Lisa, Peppa's outside! Go play with Peppa.
Peppa: Sorry, but I have to go to school.
Lisa: I won't be going to school because I have chicken pox.
Mummy Pig: I haven't seen you in a long time, Ella!
Mrs. Fox: *takes Lisa back inside* I forgot, Lisa.
[Peppa and Mummy Pig get back into their car]
Peppa and Mummy Pig: Bye!
Mummy Pig: Peppa, fasten your seatbelt. *drives forward and crashes into Suzy Sheep's house*
Mrs. Sheep: AAH!
Narrator: At the school, everybody is waiting for Peppa.
Everybody: Where's Peppa?
Suzy Sheep: When are we having recess, teacher?
Ashley Sheep: We can't go now till Peppa comes.
Narrator: At the front door...
Peppa: *kisses Mummy Pig* Bye!
Mummy Pig: *kisses Peppa* Goodbye.
[Peppa goes inside]
Peppa: Wow! This isn't anything like the playgroup, but it's very exciting! *walks upstairs*
Ashley Sheep: Welcome, Peppa Pig!
Peppa: *gives Ashley Sheep an apple and walks into class*
Everyone except for Ashley Sheep, Emily Elephant, Candy Cat and Rebecca Rabbit: Hi, Peppa!
Peppa: Hi! Wait a minute...you're my old friends from playgroup!
Everyone except for Ashley Sheep: We are.
Ashley Sheep: Peppa, you'll be sitting in this seat next to Suzy Sheep.
Peppa and Suzy: Let's listen!
Ashley Sheep: Today, we're going to split the boys and the girls up. The girls will practice dancing fluently, while the boys will practice doing children's wrestling. I will teach the girls and Ms. Goat will teach the boys.
Danny Dog: I like wrestling! I've watched 1000 wrestling matches on my computer!
Emily Elephant: I LOVE kucheza! That's Swahili for "dancing".
Danny Dog: Stop using Swahili; it's getting boring now.
Emily Elephant: How jeuri, Danny! Jeuri is Swahili for 'rude'. I will always speak Swedish from now on. [farts]
[Lady GaGa appears on the ceiling]
Unknown Voice: What the Heck?
Lady GaGa: There's an Asian in the cupboard.
Asian in the cupboard: AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!
Lady GaGa: [gives the Asian a poisoned drink]
Asian in the cupboard: Thank you. [coughs repeatedly, then dies]
Lady GaGa: [uses the phone] Hello? Hello? I just killed an Asian at Peppatown Primary School.
Peppa Pig: You monster!!!!
Lady GaGa: [sings Just Dance]
Everyone: [throws something at Lady GaGa]
Lady GaGa: [puts on her Pyro-Bra and activates it]
Everyone: Hahahahahahah! (x500)
[at home]
Peppa Pig: I'm bored.
Petunia Pig: What should we do?
Peppa Pig: How about we go to China with you, George, Mummy and Daddy Pig?
Petunia Pig: Good idea!
Daddy Pig: Did someone say they wanted to go to China?
Peppa and Petunia: WE DO!
Mummy Pig: Right everyone, we're going to Peppaland Airlines.
[Meanwhile...]
Daddy Pig: Wow! China's such a wonderful country!
George: Et wewgz amashin (It looks amazing)
Guide: Nín hǎo! Wǒ xīwàng nǐ lǚtú yúkuài.
Mummy Pig: I'm sorry, but what were you saying?
Guide: I was saying "Hello! I wish you a pleasant journey.".
George Pig: Oh.
Guide: Now, where do you want to go to? Beijing? Shanghai? Ürümqi? Hong Kong? You tell me!
Petunia Pig: How about Ürümqi?
Guide: Okay people, we're going to Ürümqi! Come on and get on this aeroplane.
[2 hours later...]
Narrator: The family and the guide have arrived at a hotel in Ürümqi's city centre. A Jihadi terrorist group then come and shoot fire at Ürümqi.
Everyone: AAAAAAAH!!! Help us!
Petunia: Don't worry, I'll help you all! *pulls family out of fire*
Family and Guide: Thank you Petunia!
Narrator: When the family and the guide turn round to look at a sunset, they hear a scream. So they all look behind them, and see that Petunia has died and imploded.
Everyone: AAAAAAAAHHH!
Guide: Go to Ürümqi Airport! Over there! Shoo! Shoo! Shoo! Shoo!
Narrator: Meanwhile, back in Peppa Town...
Mummy Pig: [sobbing] We sure will miss our dear Petunia.
George: *throws a huge temper tantrum mourning Petunia's death*
Mummy Pig: Calm down, you'll be fine.
George Pig: AAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!
Petunia: (gets up and walks off to turn off to turn off projector) They think I really imploded...just a projector image...best if I go into hiding so I can make my return later. I'll stop Emily soon enough.
[at school]
Ashley Sheep: Okay class, we are going to do square numbers and bullshit. What is the square root of 546? If you're a brony, you should know the answer.
Suzy Sheep: The square root of five hundred and forty-six is twenty-three point three six six six four two eight nine one zero nine.
Ashley Sheep: Danny, what's the 87th triangular number?
Danny Dog: 3828.
Ashley Sheep: Peppa, what's the cube root of 27?
Peppa: Uh, cow shit?
Ashley Sheep: It's 3! Get your ass back to the fucking playgroup! [calls Mummy Pig]
Mummy Pig: I am very disappointed in you, Peppa. We are going home and you will study square numbers, cube numbers, triangular numbers, square roots and cube roots.
Peppa: Actually, my teacher said I have to go back to the playgroup.
Mummy Pig: Ugh! [gets in the car]
Peppa: It's raining, Mummy.
Mummy Pig: [drives at 80mph]
Peppa: That's too fucking fast!
[in the morning]
Peppa: Oh, thank goodness that was a dream. DOOOOOOOOO IT! [insults Emily]
Emily Elephant: [crying] Jag har inga vänner. Lisa och Brianna lämnade mitt gäng. (I have no friends. Lisa and Brianna left my gang.)
Peppa: We'll go somewhere where you can wish for friends.
Emily: Verkligen? (Really?)
Peppa: Självklart! Jag skulle aldrig ljuga! (Of course! I would never lie!)
Britney Bear: Peppa and Emily, hop in!
Peppa: Unknown status 506, PT2 .elf files
[The audio distorts]
Britney: Where do you want to go? [vomits all over the bonnet of the car]
Peppa: House 2700 in San Bearcisco. [puts her arm behind her back and lifts a bouquet of roses with the thorns pruned]
[The audio goes back to normal as Britney Bear drives her car]
Brianna Bear: [sings Sweet You by The Rocking Gazelles] Can you please turn on the radio?
Britney: Sure! [puts a Parental Advisory top and skirt on]
Narrator: Five hours later, Peppa and Emily have arrived at house 2700.
Emily: [throws a coin in] Jag önskar- (I wish for-)
Peppa: You have to wish in English! I'll wish for you! I wish for friends and the ability to speak English for Emily Elephant!
[Everyone from the playgroup appears]
Emily: It's been my dream to be able to speak in English like you! I wish for my parents to speak English!
Mrs and Dr. Elephant: Emily! Come here!
[Loud scream comes from upstairs]
Radio: Next, we have...
Mummy Pig: What is that noise?
Narrator: Outside in the garden, Phoebe Pig is gardening.
Phoebe Pig: I'll plant a tulip here!
[Loud scream from the balcony]
Phoebe Pig: George!
[It begins to rain]
George: Mr Dinosaur's tail broke!
Narrator: Inside the house...
Mummy Pig: Percy, put the sofa near the door leading into the hallway. The new TV goes hanging above the fireplace.
[Peppa wakes up]
Peppa: *types in the username daddypig457690 and the password amandainthecar5678903* This is The Playgroup Website.
George: What are you doing, Peppa?
Peppa: I'm on the playgroup website, I have to look at the top students. [clicks on the "Top Students" button] They're Anna and Elsa Rabbit? How Frozen.
Mummy Pig: Peppa, come to Daddy Pig's home office.
Daddy Pig: *takes his clothes off except underwear* Amanda! Get your sparkling purple dress with a flower hat on!
Mummy Pig: *takes her clothes off except underwear* Percy! Get your handsome blue suit with a top hat on!
Peppa: *goes downstairs* Gross.
George: Gross, indeed!
[Peppa and George go into Samara Pig's room]
Samara Pig: DO MY LAUNDRY!
[Mummy Pig and Daddy Pig come up]
Mummy Pig and Daddy Pig: We're going to a party at 8, Samara.
Samara Pig: Meh. What are you doing in your underwear?
Mummy Pig and Daddy Pig: We'll get dressed for the party.
[Peppa and George hug Mummy Pig and Daddy Pig]
Peppa and George: Bye!
[Knock at the door]
Peppa: I wonder who's at the door? *opens the door*
George: It's Elly and her brother!
[shows Phil Pig Approves logo]
[Elly eats a pizza]
[shows the playgroup]
Narrator: Mummy Pig is driving Peppa and George to school.
[cuts to inside the playgroup]
Madame Gazelle: Today, we're learning-
[bulldozer demolishes the playgroup]
Madame Gazelle: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Students: Uh, what?
[Madame Gazelle eats a pizza]
[cuts to Candy Cat on the computer]
Candy Cat: I made my own PigTube account! It's called "candylongnose"!
[later]
Candy Cat: [on PigTube] I should record myself. [clicks on the record button, turns into a orange live-action cat and meows 4 times as her entire room turns into a rainbow]
[Cuts to Mr. Cat working at Daddy Pig's office, his phone rings and he picks it up]
Mr. Cat: Why are you calling me, Candy?
Candy Cat: [meows]
Mr. Cat: [hangs up]
Madame Gazelle: Today we are doing sports. Let's first run laps. [blows whistle]
Ræbecca: With this I can play a prank! [goes to a parking lot] Hee hee hee hee ha ha ha ha! Oh, in a second this will be wrapped around the part where the car can be refuelled cause I am, cause I am the ultimate prankster! There's no-one in the parking lot, so this isn't gonna be recognised! When they try to refuel their car, they'll say “What the hell is this?”! Oh, in a second this will be wrapped around the part where the car can be refuelled cause I am, cause I am the ultimate prankster! There's no-one in the parking lot, so this isn't gonna be recognised! When they try to refuel their car, they'll say “What the hell is this”?
Britney playing with a spear: what the fuck go to school
Ræbecca: I'm gonna go to school.
Everyone on the school bus: If you ain't got no money take your broke ass home you say if you ain't got no money take your broke ass home!
Ræbecca: [gets on the bus] What's that up ahead?
Keisha Kat: That's a girl playing with her tablet!
Ræbecca: Don't care.
Everyone on the school bus except Ræbecca: If you ain't got no money take your broke ass home you say if you ain't got no money take your broke ass home!
Ræbecca: Okay...
Hippolyta Hippo: If you ain't got no money take your broke ass home you say if you ain't got no money take your broke ass home!
Cate Cat: [laughs] I'm going to stay up all night and watch a motherfucking scary movie!
Mrs. Cat: We're going to see an opera.
Cate: Hell nah! I WANT MY BEDROOM BACK! I WANT MY CATNIP BACK! I WANT MY MR. CUDDLES BACK! I WANT MY DOLLHOUSE BACK! I WANY MY BED BACK! I WANT MY WARDROBE BACK!
Mrs. Cat: What?
Cate: I'M HUNGRY! I WANT A SNACK! I WANT A SNACK AND I WANT IT NOW!
Mrs. Cat: What do you want to eat?
Cate: I WANT A DOUGHNUT! NOTHING BUT A DOUGHNUT!
Mrs. Cat: Cate, you've been eating doughnuts and ice cream all day!
Cate: I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!
Mrs. Cat: You're too young to say “fuck”, Cate.
Cate: I'M GETTING A DOUGHNUT! [gets popcorn and doughnuts] MUMMY! LEAVE THE LOT! [pushes Mrs. Cat onto the road]
Mrs. Cat: [gets in the car] Sorry!
Cate: Now I can invite all my friends to have a party! We can watch a scary movie together!
[14 minutes later]
Avril Lavigne: [on the radio] Oh, in asecond you'll be wrapped around my finger, cause I can, cause I can do it better! There's no other, so when's it gonna sink in? She's so stupid, what the hell were you thinking? In a second you'll be wrapped around my finger, cause I can, cause I can do it better! There's no other, so when's it gonna sink in? She's so stupid, what the hell were you thinking?
Cate, Peppa Pig, Suzy Sheep, Danny Dog, Pedro Pony, Emily Elephant: [dances]
Cate: Time to watch a SCARY movie!