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My first page.

Story

Peppa: Ooh ooh. La la.

Mummy Pig: Peppa and the random hitchhiker over there, buy me vodka. Or I will torture you in the spanking room.

Peppa: Fuck no.

Mummy Pig: Watch your fucking language.

Hitchhiker: Hypocrite.

Mummy Pig: What did you call me? You're both kicked out. (singing) Look what you made me do.

Peppa: NO! NO! NO!

(Mummy Pig kicks Peppa and the hitchhiker out of the house)

Peppa: Where are we gonna stay now?

Hitchhiker: Pleasantview.

Peppa: That's far away.

Hitchhiker: I know a shortcut.

(Peppa and the hitchhiker fall into a giant wishing well)

Peppa: Where the FUCK are we?

Hitchhiker: We're in Pleasantview, bitch!

Peppa: FUCK yeah.

Hitchhiker: (singing) Come and knock on our door. We've been waiting for you. Where the kisses are her's and her's and his. Three's company too. Come and dance on on our floor. Take a step that is new. We've a loveable space that needs your face. Three's company too. You'll see that life is a ball again, laughter is calling for you. Down at our rendezvous. Three's company too!

Peppa: Bitch, I ain't to damn pig. 

(Peppa morphs into DVD bitch)

Peppa: Can we go to HMV?

Mummy Pig: No.

Peppa: Can we go to HMV?

Mummy Pig: No.

Peppa: Can we go to HMV?

Mummy Pig: No.

Peppa: Can we go to HMV?

Mummy Pig: No.

Peppa: Can we go to HMV?

Mummy Pig: No.

Peppa: Can we go to HMV?

Mummy Pig: Fine. HOOOOOOOOOKAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Peppa: Can I buy Comeback?

Mummy Pig: No. You are too young to see dick.

Peppa: But please!

Mummy Pig: And you would destroy the package in about 5 seconds.

Peppa: Shit. [steals that shit]

Mummy Pig: No. No. No. No.No.

Peppa: The Island of Soda is really hot, in temperature.

Mummy Pig: No it's cold.

Peppa: It's warm.

Mummy Pig: You're warm. The average temperature for the Island of Soda is -20° Celsius, -4° Fahrenheit, 253.15 Kelvin.

Peppa: Liar.

Mummy Pig: Check the fucking weather app.

Peppa: Fine. Let's go to the pub.

Mummy Pig: No. I'm buying some Lady Gaga CDs and bullshit. [grabs The Fame, The Fame Monster, Born This Way: The Collection, ARTPOP and Joanne] How much does all this shit cost?

Cashier: £99.99.

Mummy Pig: Okay. There you go.

Peppa: Can I just buy the motherfucking Comeback CD, bitch?!

Mummy Pig: Do you sell a clean version of Comeback here? Peppa wants it.

Cashier: No, the album is too explicit to censor, we did not want to ruin it. We do have one with the censored cover, but not the censored words.

Mummy Pig: Well, okay... [buys it]

Peppa: Bitch! I wanted the deluxe edition!

Mummy Pig: Is there a deluxe edition with the censored cover?

Cashier: No.

Peppa: UGH

Mummy Pig: It's not like you would even WATCH the DVD.

Peppa: Bitch, it's a CD.

Mummy Pig: There is a DVD on the deluxe version, though.

Peppa: Can I get a fucking Lady Gaga CD?

Mummy Pig: We have 6 The Fames, 4 The Fame Monsters, 21 Born This Ways, 3 ARTPOPs and 7 Joannes.

Peppa: Bitch. I want Born This Way and I want Born This Way now. [steals Born This Way: The Collection]

Mummy Pig: YOU CAN'T FUCKING STEAL SHIT!

Vampirina: I'm buying Comeback, too! [buys the deluxe edition]

Peppa: Fuck Vampirina. [snatches it out of her hand]

Vampirina: I'm also buying the soundtrack of Grease (1978).

Peppa: Stupid hoes is my enemy

Pepperika: Stupid hoes is so wack

Katelynn: Stupid hoe shoulda befriended me

Leah: Then she coulda probably came back

Peppa: Stupid hoes is my enemy

Pepperika: Stupid hoes is so wack

Katelynn: Stupid hoe shoulda befriended me

Leah: Then she coulda probably came back

Peppa: You a stupid oh

Pepperika: You a stupid oh

Peppa, Pepperika, Katelynn and Leah: YOU A STUUUUUUUUUUUUUUPID HAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Vampirina: Wa wa wa

Peppa: I DONE SLAYED UR ENTIRE FUCKIN LIFE

Vampirina: Wa wa wa [dies]

Peppa: Olivia Newton-John and John Travolta. 

Hitchhiker: Hey, it's Fred!

Peppa: Eek! Too scary.

Hitchhiker: We're going on a trip i-

Peppa: WAAH! FOR FUCK'S SAKE! I DIDN'T GET THE ALBUM! I'M PISSED.

Hitchhiker: Stupid girl.

Peppa: Hell no! 

Hitchhiker: You're a VERY stupid girl, Peppa.

Peppa: OHOHOHOHOHOH!

Hitchhiker: I'm a doll. I'm a toy.

Peppa: I want John Travolta and Olivia fucking Newton-John to sign this shitty album!

Hitchhiker: Which one?

Peppa: From Grease (1978)

Hitchhiker: Oh. 

Mummy Pig: Tell me more. Tell me more.

Peppa: Who the fuck ruined the SBC page?

Emily: I did.

Peppa: You fucking monster.

Emily: Why?

Peppa: R.I.P. Billy Cosby.

Mummy Pig: Why must I take you to HMV every fucking episode?

Peppa: Fuck you.

[end]

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Trivia

  • The Hitchhiker is a character from Sweet Sow.